The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
is it fun? or sober?
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