my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
