shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
