Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
