I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
