i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
