please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
