Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
