"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
The power of my boobs compel you
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
