Whatcha textin bout Willis?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
