can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
