I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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