i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
