I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
