i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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