remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
