so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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