wanna go halves on a baby?
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Randomize
