Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
You did what with his pubic hair?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
