i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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