You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
