you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
