Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
