just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
