Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Are my feet made of real feet?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
