PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
