My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
