I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
why do cheetos always look like penises
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
