apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
