Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
