Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
