So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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