I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
