I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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