Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
