How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
