the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Randomize
