i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Just invented taco cereal.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
