Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Randomize
