ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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