sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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