Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
