I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
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