worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
