Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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