so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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