Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
PANTIES FOUND
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