My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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