she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
