He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
