Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
