omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I just want to make out with him forever
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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