he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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