the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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