I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
