EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
