the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
