i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
