why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
what day is it and did you see me today?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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