i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Randomize
