It was confusing and full of hummus
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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