Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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