When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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