im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
