My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
