Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
