a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
