Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
